


Free Fall

by GirlwithCurls98



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21866683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlwithCurls98/pseuds/GirlwithCurls98
Summary: Pike Trickfoot is unstoppable, until she's not. Our favorite gnome cleric has been pushed to her limits and now suffers the consequences, catching the attention of Sarenrae herself. Vox Machina discover what pain their healer has been hiding, and strive to make things right.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	1. As the Dust Settles

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during the Chroma Conclave arc, although the main plot of that arc is not mentioned, so it could really be anytime before ep. 85 "A Bard's Lament". This is a stand-alone so I toyed with the timeline.

Pike Trickfoot has seen time stand still. She has seen it, moments where time had no meaning, where each heartbeat would stretch on into eternity. She had seen it, more times than she wished, when her beloved Sarenrae brought souls back from the brink of death, bathing them in her infinite kindness and light. The world seemed to wait with bated breath, deafening noise would give way to silence, a falling sense of peace while surrounded by chaos. 

Time was suffocating Pike. She had been blessed with healer’s hands, and after years of study, considered death an old friend, a rival in an unending game. One that she was doomed to lose. But Pike couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t think about the endless march of time that would age her skin, cripple her limbs, steal the breath from her chest. But worse than that, worse than anything that could ever be done to her, time would take the life of everyone she loved. Vox Machina. They were worse than friends, they were family, fucked up disasters that had found each other against all odds. And that fear, that truth of mortality wrapped around her lungs like a vice, forcing Pike to bury it deep, and cherish the few moments where time seemed to slow to a crawl. 

Like now, as fine dust erupted into the air, a bloodied and well-fought victory within their grasp. Vex’halia’s arrow flying true, piercing the heart of the last cave gnoll that had attacked the exhausted party. Thunderstorms had forced them to seek refuge within the caves, but it might’ve been safer to brave the wind and rain after all.  _ One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three heartbeats.  _ Collective sigh of relief. Vox Machina relaxed, as much as they dared, escaping with their lives once again. 

Pike fumbled for the holy symbol around her neck, a grateful prayer on her lips that died when a hulking shadow appeared in the corner of her vision. Her shoulders ached and she whirled around, mace raised against the new threat, only to see Grog still locked in his white-hot rage. 

“Grog!” she shouted, rushing forward and holding up her hands in surrender, the mace falling to the goliath’s feet. “It’s okay, everyone’s okay! It’s just me, it’s Pike, your best buddy, remember?” 

Grog’s eyes flashed as they connected with hers, a flicker of understanding behind them, but his chest still heaved, every muscle tensed, his rage blinding him to the end of the battle. 

Slowly, carefully, smiling softly, Pike reached up as high as she could and set a hand on his arm. 

“It’s okay Grog. Everyone is safe. We’re okay, you can put your axe down.” 

With her words, his vision seemed to clear, the distant look in his eyes fading as he focused on the cleric. 

“Pike! Did I… did I do good?” He set the axe down, dropping to one knee. Two huge hands trembled as they stretched towards her, a silent request. Pike nodded, allowing Grog to pick her up and stand, cradling her against his grimy chest where she could hear his heart thudding. Pike answered his next question before it passed his lips. 

“You didn’t hurt any of the good guys. Only the bad guys. You did so well, okay? We’re all okay.” 

Grog smiled, and the vice of battle released its grip, heartbeat slowing with each breath as he relaxed. Pike rested her head on his shoulder, grounding her best friend as he came back from the dark, scary place that was his rage. Despite that, she knew he’d be fine before sunrise. Fights didn’t shake him as much as the others. Pike almost missed the days when they felt invincible. They were Vox Machina, they were mighty fighters, powerful magic wielders, they could bring down any fearsome creature or cunning foe. Pike had the glorious Sarenrae above her, and her most trusted friends beside her, and fighting made her feel unstoppable. These days, she felt hauntingly mortal. 

But now was not the time to dwell on such things. She breathed deep, tucking her fear deep into her chest, focusing on the rest of the party. It was time to do her job. Even still, the thought continued to cling to her.  _ Not now. Vex is calling. Put it away. Bury it. Bury it. Bury it.  _

The gnome leapt from Grog’s arms, ignoring how she felt more outside her body than within it, ignoring the pain in her joints as she landed and raced across the cavern. Vex was helping her brother sit and lean back against the wall. Vax’ildan scowled, even as he clutched at his ribs and bickered with his sister. They were always bickering. Pike would be concerned if they weren’t. 

“I’m fine, leave me alone.” He said, trying to shake off her grip with little success. 

“The hell you are, now sit still.” 

“Pike, please tell my sister I’m not hurt.” 

“Pike, please knock my dumbass brother unconscious.” 

“Hush, both of you.” Pike teased, as she knelt next to Vax. 

The half-elf smiled weakly, eyes reddened, tear tracks cut through the soot and sweat smeared across his face and in his hair. He wasn’t looking at his sister, he never would if he was hurt. He reached out and grabbed the healer’s hand, squeezing it once. 

“Hey Pickle.” he wheezed. 

“Hey Stringbean. What happened?” 

Vex glared down at her brother, daring him to lie, as if he could lie to her. No one ever lied to Pike. They never imagined she could lie to them. 

“Fucker slammed me against the wall. Think my ribs are broken.” 

She nodded.  _ That’d do it.  _ “Let me see then, and try to keep still for me.” 

Vax never wore much armor, preferring speed and stealth over protective bulk, but it backfired this time. Pike moved his cloak and gently palpated the ribs on his left side, eyes closed and senses heightened. She counted them to herself as she checked for damage, biting back an apology every time Vax hissed in pain.  _ 12 pairs for humans, 10 for elves, 6 for dwarves and gnomes, 5 for halflings.  _ The twins, being half-elves, had eleven pairs. And Vax had broken four of them. She straightened,trying to keep her voice steady as she relayed the news. 

“Four broken. Nothing a healing potion and a bit of rest won’t fix, but it’ll hurt like hell for a few hours. 

Vex sighed, brushing a hand over her brother’s hair. “We’ve got a few in the bag of holding. Will a standard work?” 

Pike nodded, hearing what she was really saying.  _ Does he need a stronger one? We can’t afford to use the stronger ones. But if he’s really that hurt, he can have all of them that he needs. It doesn’t matter. I won’t lose him.  _ Vex’ahlia liked to put up a front, retreat within an emotional fortress, but she was trying to let her guard down around the team. That had been hard for Pike to wrap her head around, how the twins had grown up so starved for love. Left with no choice but to shut everyone out, believing they were alone against the world.

Pike knew love could move mountains; it was love that radiated through her holy symbol, that made her strong enough to split skulls, that had helped her pull members of her little chosen family back from the dead…

“Pike?” Vex’s voice broke her out of her thoughts, out of the darkness, out of the memories. The others were coming over, Grog and Scanlan and Keyleth and Percy with the bag, with the healing potion. 

“Yeah, he’ll be fine. Standard healing potion, a good night’s sleep, and 24 hours staying out of trouble.” She turned her gaze to the pouty rogue, lecturing with mock-sternness. “I mean it Vax’ildan. No fights, no running into danger, no getting in over your head.” 

The half-elf shrugged, trying to recover some of his bravado by smirking at her. “I’ll try.” 

Pike’s eyebrow practically disappeared into her hairline as she pinned Vax with what Percy had lovingly coined her ‘Mom Look’. His shoulders slumped slightly, and he reached out to grab her hand, thumb brushing over her bloodied knuckles.

“I will Pickle, promise.” He murmured. She smiled, releasing his hand to take the bag of holding from Percy as the others crowded around. 

Keyleth stepped around Pike, dabbed blood off Vax’s forehead with her sleeve.  “I don’t think we should go in any deeper. Who knows what else calls these caves home.” 

There were sparks of healing magic coming off her fingertips; she was too frazzled to cast the spell fully. Pike reached into the bag, searching for the potion. 

“I doubt we’ll be disturbed, but we’ll post watch just in case. Grog and I first, let the casters… and the injured… rest.” That was Percy, somewhere above her, she could hear him brushing black powder off his coat, released into the air like a snowfall. It smelled like sulfur. And blood.  _ I can smell blood. _ Pike shuddered, uncorking the potion and handing it to Vax, not breaking eye contact until he finished drinking it. 

“Don’t worry babe, I’ve got enough magical mojo to protect us.” Scanlan’s elbow connected with her side. Pike heard, but she wasn’t listening. She was busy watching the black powder fall through the air, settling in Vax’s hair, on Vex’s furs, on Keyleth’s staff, at the edges of her vision. It fell and fell and fell and then she did too. 

She heard the clank of her armor hit the cave floor, and the black powder continued to fall and fall and fall over her eyes until there was nothing left but darkness. 


	2. Out of the blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vox Machina reacts to Pike's collapse, and tries to regroup, reaching out to a divine ally.

Within a split-second, everyone was moving, the clank of her armor against the stones ringing out like the bang of Percy’s gun. Keyleth screamed, Vex shouted her name, Vax yelled out in pain, ignoring it as he reached for Pike, who had crumpled like worn parchment. In moments, they had all crowded around, forming a protective circle, dropping to their knees where she had fallen. Six pairs of hands reaching, six voices full of panic, but it was Percy who reached her first. He sat and turned her over, pulling her upwards and propping the gnome’s chest against his own. Keyleth placed two fingers in the hollow of Pike’s throat. Time stretched, became meaningless, until the druid sighed and looked up at the group. 

“She’s breathing, just unconscious.”

“What happened? Did she get hurt? I didn’t see her go down.” Vax’s voice was a taut bowstring as he brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek, finding it cold and clammy. 

The others frowned, thinking back to the fight. It was tougher than it should have been, but they had been drained already from the day’s travel. And it was too easy to lose track of Pike and Scanlan during a fight. They didn’t need height or bulk to be powerful, often times using their small stature to lull the enemy into a false sense of security before seemingly appearing out of thin air with a perfectly placed attack. But everyone had seen Pike. Her armor, gleaming even in the dim light. The thud and crack of bone as her mace connected with its target. The joy and determination in her voice as she urged her party to keep going. And no one remembered her being hurt, not severely. Scraped up and bruised, sure, but they all were. Vax had been the only one to take serious damage. 

They were bewildered, saying as much, frustration and exhaustion bleeding into their voices, making them sharper than necessary. Sensing impending disaster with all their emotions running high, Vex’ahlia stood and began to take charge. 

“Vax, help Percy get her armor off, see if we can find any cause of this, spell, poison, don’t rule out anything. Kiki?”

The half-elf froze, glancing up with an anxious expression, unshed tears making her eyes over-bright. 

“We need to get a fire going.” She squeezed her friend’s shoulder, lending a bit of courage, as fragile as it was. “I know you can focus long enough to do that, right?” 

Keyleth nodded, rubbing her hands together, determination to help her friend beginning to edge out the panic. 

“Good. Scnalan, I want to block off the other passages. No more surprises tonight. Can you do that?” 

Scanlan leapt to his feet, moving into a sweeping bow. “But of course. No one will dare hurt my dear lady.” With a wink and a flourish, the large, purple spectre of Bigby’s hand appeared, giving a ‘thumbs up’. 

Vex rolled her eyes, slipping off her necklace with one hand. “Trinket is going to set watch tonight. We’re running on fumes, we need all the rest we can get. Priority is figuring out what’s wrong with Pike. If we can’t rouse her by first light, we’re heading to the Everlight Temple in Vasselheim. Grog?” 

“I’m not leaving ‘er.” 

The goliath had not looked up since Pike had fallen, eyes fixed on her limp form. No one was going to argue, only a fool would try to separate them. Percy cleared his throat, cautiously setting a hand on Grog’s arm. 

“Of course not. You can hold her while Vax and I get her armor off and get her cleaned up.” 

Grog swiped at his eyes before nodding. He trembled as he took Pike from Percy, not as a result of his rage, but at the shock of seeing his childhood friend, a spirit so big, look so small and vulnerable. As the others scattered to their tasks, he leaned down to whisper. 

“Don’ worry buddy. You’re gonna feel better real soon, promise.” 

Vex stood at the entrance to the cave, watching the storm rage outside, trying to wrangle her thoughts into some sort of order. She thought about Pike, the soft smile she had even as she fell to the ground. About her brother, running into danger and ignoring her. About the team, and their horrible habit of trying to tough things out, play things off like they weren’t that bad. And about the fucking dragons that they were trying to get rid of before they destroyed Tal’Dorei and everyone they cared about and-

Trinket nudged her hand, rumbling, wondering why his Vex looked so unhappy. She was always happy to see him. He was happy to see her, to be out of the necklace, but something was wrong. Vex smiled, rubbing his nose and scratching behind his ears, tangling her fingers into his thick fur. 

“Oh Trinket. Everything’s going to be fine. We just can’t seem to catch a break these days, I mean-” 

“VEX!” 

Her brother, shouting her name. Her brother, who could keep his head in any situation, was shouting with panic in his voice. She spun on one heel, her body reacting before her mind had a chance to catch up. 

“Trinket, stay.” she ordered, not sparing her faithful bear a glance as she ran towards him, nearly running over Keyleth and Scanlan who was practically tripping over himself to keep up. 

Percy was frozen, standing over them with a bundle of fabric, and in his eyes Vex feared the worst. Grog wasn’t looking at her, face turned away and eyes shut tight. Vax reached for his sister, taking her hand and pulling her down towards him. Vex grunted as her knees hit hard against the stones, meaning she did not have the breath to gasp when she saw the state of their friend. 

Working together, Percy and Vax had carefully removed Pike’s armor, her breastplate, the bracers around her forearms, and her boots. Percy, ever courteous and prepared, offered to lend one of his shirts to the gnome, to get her into something clean and dry. More importantly, it was also a source of comfort. Their little cleric was notorious for “borrowing” the rest of the party’s clothes and wrapping up in the oversized garments. So Percy had gotten up to get the shirt out his pack, and Vax had gotten to work gently getting Pike out of her tunic. And that’s when he shouted. 

Vox Machina looked upon Pike Trickfoot, as she shivered, stripped to her smallclothes. Her abdomen was a rainbow of bruises in various stages of healing. She had scrapes from their most recent fight, wet with fresh blood, but also cuts and burns that were half-healed, patched up with hasty bandages. 

“How could this have happened?” Keyleth whispered, as if speaking too loudly would make it more real than she could handle. 

“Pike… but she’s a healer. Why didn’t she…” Scnalan trailed off, the others unable to speak, hearts breaking. What was going on? Why was she so…

Like thunder clouds descending on a blue sky, pieces began to fall into place. The dark circles that hadn’t gone away, dismissed and distracted from. Winces, pained yelps through gritted teeth, the smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. A rock of guilt settled into their stomachs. How had they not seen? Had they really not been paying attention. And why hadn’t she said anything? They could’ve helped… if only…

“Vex’ahlia, healing potions.” Grog said. “Please.” He added, because Pike would want him to. Vex didn’t hesitate before digging through the bag of holding, pulling out one of the stronger potions she had been so adamant about saving earlier. Vax uncorked it and fed it to Pike, Grog watching carefully to ensure she didn’t choke. They watched the bruises begin to fade, healthy skin knitting together. She exhaled, sinking even further into Grog’s hold. The tension in her brow and jaw relaxed. She still looked wrecked, splotched with blood and dirt and sweat, but it seemed that whatever pain had pulled her to the ground had been lifted, at least a little bit, and now she could sleep and heal on her own. A small hand reached over and touched her forehead Vex and Vax looked up to see Scanlan murmuring a quiet spell for good dreams. 

They stewed for a long moment, in various states of distress. Two questions repeated over and over in their minds. Why was Pike hiding her injuries? And was she hiding anything else from them? If they were being honest, the party was afraid that knowing the answers would be worse than not knowing. 

“Alright, new rule.” Percy’s voice was clear and steady, authoritative. “From now on, we use the buddy system. Grog with Pike and Scanlan, the twins, for obvious reasons, Keyleth and I. Any scrap, any bar fight, anything goes wrong and we check on our buddies. And we don’t lie to each other, not about this. There’s nothing to be gained from it. Understood?” 

Everyone nodded, a faint spark returning to their eyes, their stubborn will to survive and protect one another burning through the overwhelming knowledge that they were dipshits that would always wind up injured and in trouble. 

As Percy finished, Pike’s holy symbol resting on her chest began emitting a soft, white-gold, glow. As if drawn by some unseen force, Vax leaned forward, wrapping his hand around the pendant. And still the light glowed. Vex placed her hand on top, with her twin in all things, even when she had no idea what he was doing. Percy followed, then Scanlan, Keyleth, and finally Grog, his massive hand encompassing all of theirs. Still, the symbol glowed, bits of light shining through the gaps despite it all. 

Keyleth looked over at Vax for an explanation, but his eyes were shut tight. The others exchanged glances, utterly confused, until he began to speak. 

“Sarenrae? Um… we don’t know you really, but we do know Pike. And we know how much she loves you. And since she’s kind, and strong, and wonderful, you must be pretty great too. Could you… could you help her please?” 

There was silence for a moment, until Pike’s holy symbol grew so hot that Vax had to let go, everyone snatching their hands back like the symbol had caught fire. It continued to glow, pulsing with a brighter light than before, almost like a heartbeat, before finally fading out. 

Vax grinned. “I think she heard us.” 

Percy nodded, getting to his feet. “Then we need to meet her halfway. Let’s get any remaining injuries bandaged, clean her face at least, and get her warmed up. With any luck, we’ll have our shiny, happy, Pike back in a few hours time.” 

Keyleth, Vex, and Scanlan went back to setting up camp, leaving Vax and Grog alone with her. The half-elf hummed softly as he cleaned her face, pleased to find that she was no longer so clammy, and threaded her arms through the borrowed shirt. The song was from a hazy memory, of doing something similar for his sister when she was small. 

“She’s gonna be okay, right Vax?” Grog’s voice was quiet, uncertain, two things foreign to the goliath. 

“‘Course she is.” Vax didn’t have the time or the emotional state to consider an alternative. 

“Why didn’t she tell us she was hurt? I’m ‘er best friend. She tells me everything. Did I do somethin’ wrong?” 

Vax sighed, smoothing wisps of Pike’s white hair away from her forehead. “It’s not you, big guy. For some reason, she thought that she couldn’t tell any of us. That she could handle things by herself.” 

“She’s not s’posed to do that. We’re a team.” 

“I know that, and Pike knows that too. But sometimes, people have a hard time accepting that they need help. All we can do is be there, and remind her how much we love her.” 

Grog nodded, looking up at Percy’s approach. He handed Grog a blanket and offered a hand up to Vax. 

“Fire’s ready. C’mon, we all need rest.” 

Grog swaddled Pike in the blanket, hugging her close as he walked towards where the others had set camp by Keyleth’s fire, Percy helping Vax behind him. They settled down, Pike guarded on all sides. Though their nerves were fried from everything that happened, eventually the adrenaline wore off, and they succumbed to the soothing sounds of the falling rain. In each of their minds, a thought, or a wish, or a prayer that their little spark would return at daybreak. 


	3. Divine Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pike sleeps, and recieves a desperately needed wake-up call.

Pike floated. The sensation reminded her of lazy childhood afternoons, swimming in the lake by her home, air heavy and humid while the clouds crossed an impossibly blue sky. But this place was thicker, holding her in suspension, cool as morning dew across her skin. Her skin? Her body was melting into this place, all other sensations falling away. She wasn’t in this place, she was part of it, unable to tell where it began or her body ended. She opened her eyes, finding nothing but impossible darkness. It should have been silent, instead there was a faint humming, like the beat of insect wings magnified a thousand fold. She was not afraid. That deeper, animal instinct begged her to be, begged her to flail, find purchase, find something solid to brace herself against for a fight. But she was not afraid. As strange as this place was, there was something familiar about it. 

The light came quietly. Slowly, as a pinprick in the distance. It flared, growing and shrinking, mirroring the breaths within her chest. Before long, Pike found herself surrounded by a warm, golden glow. She sighed, blissful, relishing in the absence of pain, of stress. Yes, Pike knew this place, but a sinking feeling of dread began to tug at her. She knew this place indeed, but why was she here? Memories, fragments of events came back to her, but they were hazy, without anchors like people or places. 

A pair of hands grasped hers, though there was still nothing but infinite light in every direction. The touch was bright, burning hot, yet Pike felt no pain. She knew this touch, this heat. Despite this, she started to cry, her fear finally bubbling to the surface. 

“My Pike, why are you crying? Are you not happy to see me?” Sarenrae’s voice echoed across the expanse. A choked sob escaped Pike’s throat at the overwhelming love and concern that filled the voice. The same voice she’d heard since childhood, bringing her joy and peace in the smallest of moments. But hearing it now twists something in her chest. She closed her eyes, exposing the source of her fear. 

“Am I dead?” Pike’s voice was small, hesitant, like she expected to be scolded for even asking. The question hung in the air for a moment, before the gnome felt a shifting in the energy around her. 

Sarenrae was worried. Her faithful champion was always reverent (even given her love of  _ colorful _ language), but had never been scared when speaking to her. As a child, sitting in front of the humble altar in her home, Pike had talked openly about anything and everything. As an adult, Pike openly spoke of her shortcomings, of her desire to improve. Now the goddess sensed her cleric pulling away, afraid of what her Lady would think of her weakness. 

Goddesses did not shrink, and Sarenrae would not now. Rather, her infinite light shifted, taking her favored form when speaking with her followers. Pike opened her eyes, seeing that her body was very much intact, cloaked in a robe that seemed to be made of the light that surrounded her. She looked up and gasped, mesmerized by her Lady, beautiful golden curls framing her dark skin and bright eyes. Her wings, impossibly large even in this ten foot form, expanded out into the ether and curled around the two of them. Sarenrae kept a firm grip on Pike’s hands, holding her effortlessly aloft in this celestial space. The beauty of seeing her so close was unmatched. Pike bowed her head, feeling unworthy of such a privilege. 

Sarenrae took her chin in one hand, lifting it to smile upon her faithful servant. Pike didn’t resist, instead repeating her question as she looked into the eyes that shone like flames. 

“Did I die?” 

Sarenrae shook her head. “Far from it. You have a long journey ahead of you, still. Merely sleeping, and in safe hands, I assure you.” 

Pike slumped like a puppet with cut strings, relieved. She could not have died yet, she had to be there for Vox Machina. They needed her to be strong. Sarenrae needed her to be strong.  _ But if I’m not… _

“My Lady, if I’m alive… then why did you bring me here?” 

The goddess laughed fondly. “Why? Because you, little light, have been hiding things. Even from me.”

Pike went stiff, unable to keep eye contact. She would not lie to her goddess. But if she was being completely honest with herself, hiding things was simply lying with a prettier face. She nodded, finding the courage to look back up. 

“I’m sorry, my Lady.” 

“It’s not me you need to apologize to, my Pike.” With a wave of her hand, a small window to the material plane appeared. Within, Pike watched Vox Machina. They were panicked, trying to rouse her after she’d collapsed. She heard them cry out as she hit the ground, the shock as they saw her injuries. The gnome’s cheeks went red, and she had to look away. 

“I didn’t want them to worry. They look to me for help, this was not their burden to bear.” 

“Oh Pike.” Sarenrae said sadly. “Surely you must know how much you are loved. Not just by me, but Vox Machina, your grandfather, all the strangers you have aided in my name. Even before you came into my service, you were helping those in need. You expected nothing in return, and as such were paid in love. There are so many who care and want to help you, my champion. But you must let them.”

Pike frowned, fighting the urge to cross her arms over her chest, and might have if not for Sarenrae holding her hands. 

“It is not their burden to bear.” she repeated. 

“Tell me why.” 

“I have to be there for them. They depend on me. I have to do my job, regardless of how I’m feeling. What good is a healer who is focused on herself?”

It was silent for a moment, a minute, an hour- time was too fluid here to tell- while Sarenrae studied her charge. There were lessons all healers would eventually learn. The power to win briefly against death did not come without a price. Pike’s determination made her an excellent cleric, a powerful fighter, but her determination could quickly take the form of stubbornness. 

“Answer me this, my Pike. Your friend, Keyleth, she is quite powerful?” 

“Yes, my Lady. Her natural magic is incredible; I know she’ll be a great Ashari leader one day.”

“But her magic is not unlimited. Use too much energy, and she cannot cast her spells for a time.” 

“Yes…” Pike drew the syllable out, confused by acknowledging the obvious.

“During that time, when Keyleth cannot use her magic, is she still a worthy opponent?” 

Pike laughed. “In a fight? Absolutely. She’s more than capable, she gets frighteningly creative when she can’t cast.”

“And the others? If Percy lost his gun, or Vex’ahlia her bow. Would that prevent them from prevailing in a fight?” 

She shook her head, beaming up at Sarenrae as she thought back to their last scrap in a small-town tavern. “Of course not. Everyone is good at hand-to-hand fighting. Vax likes to think he’s the best when Grog is clearly better, although it’s kinda hard to lose when you’re half giant but-” 

“Therefore, my little light.” Sarenrae interjected. “Why is it that the others can be powerful, formidable, and worthy without their primary skills- but you cannot?” 

Pike would have pulled away, wanted to curl in a ball and not face the reality of her inadequacy staring her in the face. Instead she cried, shutting her eyes as tears dripped down her face. She shook her head rapidly, mouth drawn into a tight line. 

“You don’t believe me. Would I lie to you, my faithful champion? Have I ever?” 

Pike shook her head, affirming her trust in her Lady yet unwilling to accept what she was offering. 

“I have to be strong.” She insisted. “I can’t let them down when they need me.” 

“You let them down when you betray their trust. You trust them to come to you when they’re hurt, but you won’t trust them to take care of you when you so desperately need it?” Sarenrae put the full power of her divinity into her voice. “You  _ must _ let them in Pike. If you don’t, things will only get worse. This time you lost consciousness, what will happen next time?” 

Pike recoiled at the sternness in her Lady’s voice. Sarenrae’s domain was compassion and redemption, but she did not believe in shielding her followers from the consequences of their actions. The goddess was not angry with Pike, but feared what would happen if she did not heed this warning. 

Pike was quickly losing the fight to stay composed, torn between her duty to her friends and her inability to take care of them, and the time that she could not possibly stop from passing, and her goddess’s command to expose the weakness she was so ashamed of and it all became too much to handle.

“I am scared, my Lady! I want to let them in, I want to be honest, but I am so scared. If they see me vulnerable they will know that I am losing, that I’m just delaying the inevitable. They are all going to die one day, and there is nothing I can do!” Pike was frantic, her cries reverberating into the expanse. She tried to yank her hands away; the exposure too great to stand. 

Sarenrae released her hands, only to reach out and pull the gnome into her chest, holding her tight. 

“Shhh, my faithful. I know you’re scared. You have been carrying this for far too long, hiding it from your family, hiding it from me. But I see all, little one. I am always with you. There is nothing you cannot bring to me.” 

Pike sniffed, leaning into the warmth of Sarenrae’s hold, too worn out, too grateful for comfort to care about how ridiculous she must look. 

“Your family understands mortality. They see your gifts, your strength, and they consider themselves lucky to know you. To love you. Where you see a limitation, they see all the miraculous things you can do despite it. Do you understand?” 

Pike considered her words in silence. She’d believed it was her responsibility to shield the others from the reality of death. Unlike them, she knew that she would be cared for beyond the material plane. But maybe she had been wrong to assume that the others didn’t understand death as she did. Several of them had died and been brought back. She’d never thought to ask what they had felt, or if they were worried about dying again. In trying to protect them, she’d been presumptuous. 

“I understand, my Lady, but it’s difficult to truly believe it. After so long thinking…” 

“All I ask is that you try. Have courage, my Pike.” Sarenrae pulled her away to look at the cleric, wiping the tears off her cheeks. The gnome flushed with embarrassment. She was supposed to be a champion of Sarenrae, not sobbing like a child. 

“My champions are chosen for their heart, little light, not for lack of emotion. All of my champions have been fallible, I would prefer it no other way.” 

Pike nodded, trying to take in all the lessons her Lad had offered, struggling to reconcile them with her past beliefs, even as she began to grow weary. Sarenrae seemed to sense it in her as well. 

“I have one more thing to show you. Come.” She held out her hand, palm up, as her form began to shift again, growing larger. Pike took it, relishing in the vastness of her goddess as she soared high into the ether, lighting it up with the glow of a mid-day sun. They came to a stop, and Sarenrae smiled, gesturing down into the infinite space below. 

Pike watched in amazement as images began to appear. Memories. She gasped, realizing that these were Sarenrae’s memories, moments that she had been watching over Vox Machina. 

She saw Scanlan, telling them stories around a campfire. He bragged that someday people would crowd around to hear tales of the mighty Vox Machina, and their handsome gnome leader, musician extraordinaire. He sang of love and triumph and adventure. 

She watched Keyleth tending to the garden at Greyskull Keep. She spoke softly to the plants, telling them secrets, coaxing them along with a bit of magic. She would look up at the sky and ask the winds for guidance, wondering how to be a good leader. 

Then there was Percy, glasses askew from falling asleep on his workbench again. Crumpled sketches and failed prototypes littering the floor. He’d spent so many years seeking only destruction, he was grateful to focus on creating things for his new family. 

She was surprised to see Vex and Vax in separate memories. Vex, cleaning a fresh kill in the forest, while Trinket supervised. The twins had gone hungry more than once in their lives, but hunting reminded Vex to respect where her food came from. What it took to set a meal on the table. 

Even more surprising was Vax’s memory. He was kneeling quietly, in a darkened space. His hair was tied up in fun buns, something they loved to do together. She watched as he lit a piece of incense, and set it upon a simple table. He closed as eyes as the smoke began to curl around him, and Pike recognized the table as an altar to Sarenrae. Humble, but made with pure intentions. 

And then there was Grog. Her oldest friend. She saw herself laughing with him, leaning against his shoulder as they got wonderfully, ridiculously, hopelessly drunk together. Every time they’d wake up with a raging hangover, and every time Pike swore she’d never touch ale again, and every time she’d throw that promise out the window when Grog suggested another crazy adventure. 

So many memories played out before her. Happy memories, memories of their little family bound together by something stronger than blood. Pike smiled, the tears in her eyes now springing up from joy. 

“You told me there was nothing you could do for them. That because they would eventually die, your healing was useless. But look at them. Their happiness comes from being alive, being together. You help them stay alive. Someone has to, because they certainly aren’t good at doing it by themselves.” 

Pike laughed at that, remembering all the times they’d gotten hurt doing the stupidest things for fun or profit, or even just because they were dared to. 

“That is what you do for them. Helping them stay alive just a little bit longer to have all of those wonderful things, to experience all of that love. and that is not nothing, my champion. I don’t want you diminishing your gift, or yourself, again.” 

Pike bowed her head. “Yes my Lady. I’ll apologize to them, and I’ll do my best to be more honest. I just think I’ll need some help to do it.”

Sarenrae reached out and cupped Pike’s head in her hands, retreating back into that warm, golden light. The gnome held her breath as a gentle kiss was placed on her forehead. That voice, it filled her with such infinite calm, spoke once more. 

“You will have all the help you need, my little light. I am never far away.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I respond to every comment, even negative criticism helps me become a better writer. 
> 
> Is it Thursday yet?


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